(Toronto, ON) Harry Whithers, former Dean of Osgoode Hall Law School, today announced that the school's Board of Governors has unanimously agreed to rename the venerable institution in honour of former student Maxwell Beaver. Henceforth, the school that has educated many of our country's top lawyers and judges will be known as the Max Beaver School of Law.
"We have been discussing for some time, just how we could honour Max" stated Dean Whithers. "He is widely regarded as one of the great legal minds of our generation and we are proud that his name will forever be associated with our school".
Mr. Beaver, who has long been compared with such legendary figures as Justice Felix Frank'n'Furter, inexplicably abandoned a promising career in law after leaving Osgoode Hall for the last time almost thirty years ago. Rumours persist that he is planning a return to law on his 65th birthday in 2020. Mr. Beaver has steadfastly refused to comment on this speculation.
At a re-dedication ceremony this morning on the campus of York University, Mr. Beaver was characteristically enigmatic. When asked to describe what the honour meant to him, Mr. Beaver, who has lived most of the past three decades in seclusion, would only offer a terse "no comment".
Mr. Beaver's former classmate Don Moss was much more effusive in saying "I am very proud of my friend Max. This honour is long overdue. He belongs here with his peers," said Mr. Moss gesturing to a photo gallery of Canada's past and present Supreme Court Justices.
Mr. Moss was no doubt referring to a controversial incident during Mr. Beaver's years as an Osgoode student. Despite overwhelming support from the students, a movement to include Mr. Beaver's portrait in the gallery of honour was brutally crushed by the school's administration. Rumours persist that Obiter Dicta editor John Tawdry, who feared that Mr. Beaver could thwart his political ambitions, spearheaded this unpopular action. Mr. Tawdry contended that Beaver did nothing but smoke dope, skip class and wear women's underwear. "Nonsense" snorted Mr. Moss, "Tawdry just missed the point". Mr. Moss then continued with some mindless and misguided rhetoric before summing up the thoughts of everyone present, "Nobody deserves this more than Max".
Max Beaver School of Law (formerly Osgoode Hall Law School) has a long history of educating Ontario lawyers. It is located on the Downsview campus of York University. Mr. Beaver and the rest of the Grim Reapers graduated from its Bachelor of Laws program in June 1979.
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